Who Do You Permit to Define You?
Most of us have heard some version of the adage, "Show me your company and I'll tell you who you are" whose elusive roots have been attributed to sources as diverse as the Bible and Vladimir Lenin. In America, prior to the end of the 20th century the "who you are" mostly concerned one's moral standing. Interlocutors wanted to know who could and could not be trusted, for instance. In your great-grandparents' day, average citizens rarely were interested in details regarding minutiae of your sexuality or politics. That did not seem important to most of them. By default, people passively were accepted as having some complex qualities and preferences that were "nobody else's business." That attitude promoted cultural norms that encouraged accepting people as they were in the here-and-now. A new acquaintance need not pass some overarching litmus test that incorporated a host of criteria about irrelevant personal preferences, such as gender b...