Justifiably Paranoid

  Questioning & Answering: How, Who, When, & Where  Paperback – January 10, 2023 by  Dr. Peter James McCusker   (Author)   It's a simple question, right? Wrong ! There are no simple questions and no simple answers. If you think so, you set yourself up for disappointment and failure. At minimum, questions and answers have multiple, layered implications. They all say something about you, about the person with whom you are communicating, and about your relationship together. Dr. McCusker asserts that “…questions are bridges from ignorance to knowledge. Questions are bridges to answers, and answers are bridges to further questions. Questions, therefore, are cognitive, emotional, and interpersonal bridges from idea to idea and from person to person. Without questions and answers to them, conversation would be parallel monologues. Questions and answers take us from monologue to dialogue—from social isolation to interpersonal connection. Ima...

As with all blogposts, this one will resonate strongly, moderately, mildly or not at all with some of you.  Please note that although I am using the United States armed forces as the central organizing element, you can deduce obvious and important non-military conclusions from what I write here.  Although I will try to be as objective as I can, having spent four years as a Marine, you legitimately can question some of what I am about to say.  During my psychology practice of over 40 years, I have treated thousands of patients with all kinds of cognitive and emotional challenges.  Many were veterans from World War II, Korea, Viet Nam, and the Middle East.  Only those from “Nam” returned to face jeers, bias, or indifference.  And, although I have heard the same basic complaint from all veterans of all the wars, those from Viet Nam have voiced it most often and most stridently. The complaint is about being told “Thank you for your service.”  Surprised?...

If you read this blog post to the end, you will have read one unlike any I ever have written. My goal is not political. I am using China only because the subject is current and likely to have some emotional resonance with most people. The blogpost's genesis can be traced to my discussion with someone who regards any unflattering talk about the Chinese as racist, as attempting to elevate those who subscribe to “traditional American values,” and as denigrating everyone non-American.  For that reason, here I have chosen to cite only liberal, “progressive” sources for the data about China to which I refer.  Most of what follows merely are my literal quotes to information readily available to you from the URLs and webpages listed.  I must underscore, again, that I am not writing this as a political statement, but rather as a way to encourage you to think about general emotion-charged pro- or anti- opinions that you automatically entertain.  You see, as a psychologist, I a...

Sometimes, the most important mental activity is not what you think, but what you think about what you think. Let's unpack that contention. Suppose you are walking along the avenue, and a friend drives past.  You wave and your friend does not acknowledge you.  Your automatic thought is "What's wrong with him?" You then proceed to thinking: "The last time we talked, he asked me to come over to his house to help him, and I declined. I bet he's still irritated about that” You then might think about something else while retaining the belief in your friend's irritation. You also could ruminate about your friend not-waving-to-you problem for minutes, hours, or days. When you see your friend again, you mention that you waved and he did not respond, and he answers, "Oh, I don't remember seeing you."  At that point you could accept his explanation, be satisfied, and banish the not-waving-incident from your mind. However, it also is possible that you ...

  It's early morning, you are in bed with your partner, and you both have just awakened.  What do you immediately do?  That depends on the state of your heart and mind.  One partner might reach out for, hold, and embrace the other, savoring some precious moments together. To do so provides more than mutual warmth and comfort.  The activity communicates powerful messages—you are top of my mind, my day begins with you, you have my undivided attention and time.  If instead, you awaken, reach for, and become engrossed in your mobile device, you also are communicating clearly to your partner. Attention and time.  No matter how rich or poor you are, these are life’s most precious, unreplenishable resources.  In the 21st century, our limited attention and time are stolen.  Contemporary attention and time bandits, many of whom are multi-millionaires and billionaires are organized into a variety of cartels.  A f...

For purposes of this posting, let’s presume that most people prefer to be liked, accepted, or, at least, tolerated. That begs the question, “By whom?”   Who is the person or persons who determine your worth?: family? friends? neighbors? co-workers?   Do you believe that all the valued ones want to see the same attitudes and behaviors from you?   When their expectations conflict, which, if any, members of the multitude exert the greatest influence? Where are you, yourself, in the “how to be” equation?   When you realize that someone or some group expects you to exhibit a particular attitude or behavior, do you start with them or start with you?   What parameters do you apply when attempting to reach your conclusion?     Equally important, what parameters do you ultimately apply when acting upon your decision?   If your decision and/ or action is contrary to expectations of valued others, do you explicitly address the discrepancy or not? Of...

 Most evolution scientists assert that human language began 200,000 to 300,000 years ago and they use speech development as a defining feature, if not  the  defining feature of homo sapiens. People, of course, could communicate via body language and physical signaling of various kinds at some undefined period, as well.  And pictorial communication, such as by cave paintings, are conventionally dated to about 30,000 years ago.  Before 1844, real time talk required real time physical, in-person interaction.  That meant that people were consciously or unconsciously perceiving not only the literal content of their verbalizations but also their body language and prosody (vocal pitch, length of sounds, loudness, and timber [quality of the voice]).  Ancient wisdom acknowledges the importance of body language and prosody as expressed in the advice, “It’s not what you say but how you say it.” Not until the invention of the telegraph approximately...